Daughters and fathers...

I have a number of things in my daily life that concern me lately. One is the relationship between my husband and my daughter. I was a product of what would, in today's world, be considered a stable family. My parents stayed married, had many children and thus, were successful in that sense. As a daughter, I struggled to feel close to my father. I was told that when I was very young, he doted on me and that I was his shadow. All I can clearly remember is a few years later...being 8 or so and being horribly afraid of him.

I want so much more for my daughter. I want her to have a Daddy. Not a father, Dad... but a Daddy. My daughter's father doesn't seem to understand how deeply everything he does impacts her. She is really young and her world is limited, but it will not be that way always. Eventually, she will be moving on and out and involving herself with people. The skills that she needs to have those successful relationships are being learned right now... and I am afraid of what she is learning. Not only from her father, but from me.

I am inspired by a song by John Mayer called Daughters. Every single word of it is the truth.

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change

And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A womans good, good heart

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too



You see that? You are the god and the weight of her world. You are the mold that she will be looking to fill later in her life. Daughters will love like you do. Okay, no more lecturing. I have my own preaching to practice.

Freedom in blogging

So far, I haven't delved too deeply into my family or marriage. There is plenty there to talk about and I'm sure I will, but I'm still feeling this odd rush of no one knowing about this but me. I blog and let it all hang out there with no concern of being found out. In spite of that, I have been found by a couple of readers and I have enjoyed their emails. So, between that and the fact that I have actually done this somewhat consistently for more than a week ... wow!

Feels Like Today

Here's my song for the week... I really love Rascal Flatts.

I Woke up this morning
With this feeling inside me that I can't explain
Like a weight that I've carried
Been carried away, away
But I know something is coming
I don't know what it is
But I know it's amazing, you save me
My time is coming
I'll find my way out of this longest drought

And It feels like today
I know it feels like today
I'm sure
Its the one thing that's missin'
The one thing I'm wishin'
Life's sacred blessin'
And hey It feels like today
Feels like today

You treat life like a picture
But its not a moment that's frozen in time
It's not gonna wait
Til you make up your mind, at all
So while this storm is breaking
While there's light at the end of the tunnel
Keep running towards it
Releasing the pressure, that's your heartache
Soon this dam will break

And it feels like today
I know, it feels like today, I'm sure
Its the one thing that's missin'
The one thing you're wishin'
The last sacred blessin'
It feels like today

Victims

If I had to pick one thing about my personality that stands out... just one word, it would be calm. It takes a decent amount to really rattle me. When stuff happens, my method of handling things is to break it down and start with step one. I'm not quite sure how it happened, but I am surrounded by people who cannot break down a problem and tackle it. I'd rather not be a victim, but just handle things and move on. I actually can't stand the victim mode... it makes me furious. Now, I know... everybody has their moments. Some people, though, live their whole lives waiting for either nothing bad to ever happen or for someone else to fix everything.

I want to teach my children that *stuff* happens... and you have to be equipped and deal with it. And.. that things will be okay after all. I think it's up to me to equip them, as well as I can. I don't need to solve every problem for them, but step back and let them work it out. I hope I will do the right things and what's best for them.

I like this..

Okay, just in case it looks like it, I didn't write four posts all in one day. I just couldn't figure out the whole publishing them part... got it now.

I am finding this whole experiences of blogging (so far, ha!) kind of cathartic. I am a sister, mother, wife, daughter, homeowner, taxpayer .. and this is for no one but me. In fact, no one except whoever reads, knows that it exists. That anonymity might serve me well as I unload my brain.

It's kind of like that extra 10 minutes you take to stop at Starbucks before returning home to the kids or hubby. Okay, so there isn't a Starbucks ANYWHERE near me, but once upon a time there was.

Belonging...

I grew up in the Pacific Northwest... at least for a while. I lived in three or four other states by the time I was in my 20's. You might think my father was in the military, but no... just a guy who took opportunities and they took him many places. I never resented all the moving, I still don't. I think it has made me able to adapt and able to find a kind of peace in unstable situations. Not that I don't crave stability or a sense of belonging. Recently, I have come to realize how much I do need it. I think I have adapted for so long that now I don't know how to carve out a home.

Recently, I have become a domestic nut.. trying to create a perfect Christmas this year. Yes, it's only mid-November. There have just been way too many Christmases that have been spent in the homes of others, not my own. Not that they have been bad experiences, not at all. Traveling... because I was the one who had moved away. So, it makes it incumbent on you, the one who moved away, to come home if you want to have a Christmas with your family. At least that's how it has worked in my world.

Back to the nuttiness... I spent $300 on a Christmas tree that arrived yesterday. The old tree is tiny, which is what was needed before moving into this house. This tree has a remote control... enough said! 1200 lights... all white or all colors, or ALL the lights. I am not sure it is actually going to fit where I want to put it. The other thing that came yesterday was a nice area rug for the living room floor. It was bought on a revenge-fueled shopping trip last weekend. How dumb is that, really? Revenge shopping shouldn't come out of my own bank account! Duh... I've never really been much a shopper at all. I kind of hate it, really. I am just in this mode... have to create this home... safe place. I'm a little lost in it.

Welcome

Welcome to my blog. I love, love, love to read blogs, but have never thought I had the time or will to keep up with one. But today, I feel like I can, so I'm jumping on it. I've seen blogs be a lot of different things for different people, it will be interesting to see what this becomes for me. Thanks for reading, I sincerely hope this isn't my one and only post!